Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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