I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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