when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
