i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
