the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
