508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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