1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish my penis had a tongue
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
