So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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