we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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