1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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