The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
