Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
