just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
