i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drake has all the answers
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
