"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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