don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
