he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
