My nipple is on Facebook.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
