My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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