im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
