when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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