i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
