She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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