My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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