Plan B is the new Plan A
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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