I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
