Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
