This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
