Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
