His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
