So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
