We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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