the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
