Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
