I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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