My sheets look like a crime scene.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
