Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
