At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
