I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
