I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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