WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love having hate sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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