watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
