Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
