My nipple is on Facebook.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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