life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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