everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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