i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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