made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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