Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
