The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
