if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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