shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
