so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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