He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
