I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
