I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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