I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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