I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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