Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
