after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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