Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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