I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
