guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
