Don't make out with my wife yet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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