Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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