I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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