i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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