i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
