well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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