Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
