Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
